I'm going to meet with a therapist next week to discuss this "blue period" that I've been dealing with. My thoughts are that I'll be meeting a complete stranger to discuss what's going on in my life. As funny as that sounds, I'll be on neutral ground... that is... I won't feel like I have to watch each word I speak in order to not offend or hurt a friend or loved one. I have more friends ready to hear me out than I can count, but I always feel as though I have to be the tough guy. I know that's not how it is, but that's how it is... does that make sense? Welcome to my current mental state ;-)
Tummy cam is next week.
I meet with my oncologist the week after that, and hopefully with results from the endoscopic ultrasound biopsy I'll at least have information in order to again begin making decisions. Not knowing is the worst.
At the end of the month its out to Chicago to meet the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. They will at least provide me a tie breaker to the surgeon's "you're doomed" and the oncologists "we're not entirely sure". Again, knowledge is power... being able to make a freakin decision is even more power.
I've been walking my fanny off. I've been floating around 200 pounds for the last week. That's an 11 pound loss over 3 weeks time. I was getting nervous there for a while about the weight loss, but holding at 200 I can deal with.
My back is killing me. I need to make another visit to my chiropractor in the near future.