... and the wisdom to know the difference.

I so wish that I had the skill sets necessary to practice that little saying. There are things in my life, or things that are around me that I just don't get to control. That bugs me big time! It is so very hard for me to keep my mouth shut at times and let those in control take care of things.

So, I have a little disruption going on in my life and it is truly stupid that I let my blood pressure get all up in a froth over it. I can't share a lot of details, but I vow to not let it take me over. Somehow, I'll get "the wisdom to know the difference".

Changed up the blog color template this morning. Blue wasn't working for me. Yay! Something I can control!

Again, this morning, I'm reminded that chemo and checkbooks do not mix. There are times I feel like a dumb ass when I see how badly my checkbook register is kept up. I mean, it's not like I'm not trying... it's almost hit or miss though. The good thing is, all my chemo buddies say that I'll start getting my "marbles" back between six months and two years.

Today I plan on tackling my daughter's bathroom. That is one place that makes me shudder... other than her bedroom, and I'm frightened to go in there. I would need my GPS, a good terrain map and a compass to find my way back out.

Speaking of my daughter's cave, I was completely impressed yesterday. For a moment, I thought the dish and the spoon had indeed run off together... and bred! My kitchen sink was full of a variety of plates, saucers, bowls, silverware, glasses and cups. I think someone needs to have "the talk" with the dish and the spoon. I'll wager that the ants leave the cave now... no food laying around in half empty dishes anymore... well... for now anyway.

Good news!

Ok... the short version:

While the CA 19-9 marker is climbing, my PET/CT scan is clear. VERY clear. So, we watch over the coming months/years and see what's going on. That's great news!

Now the longer version:

I went in for my last chemo visit. I was a bundle of nerves. I was shaking and emotionally a mess. I warned my RN that my blood pressure would be up because I was expecting bad news form the doc. It was up! 150/97.

The doc arrived and we discussed my numbers. He indicated that anything could bring that marker up like a change in meds or even an infection. Later, after thinking it over, it's probably this gnarly rash I have on my hands from the Gemzar.

Finished with the doc, and went home to crash and shiver.

I'm feeling a lot better now that the scans came back clear.

Now I get to wait a while and do the following:

Visit the dentist! Once this round of chemo is cleared I can have my teeth cleaned.

Use a toothpick!

Shave with a razor routinely.

Sushi!

Being able to remember again!

Then! Make it to my first birthday following diagnoses and treatments.

Last chemo day

Ok... I just want today to be over. I go in for chemo in 1.5 hours. While I'm getting pumped up with the lost dose (better be)... I'll also be meeting with Doc Hayward to discuss this weeks PET/CT scan.

There's a lingering feeling of dread that I just can't shake. Maybe he'll have good news?

I'll post more this afternoon after I shake off some of the initial chemo crap.

Yesterdays PET scan

I just love working with a sensitive, competent staff. Yesterdays PET scan went very well. And they actually did a combo CT and PET scan.

I picked up my copy of the disk for Stanford and took a gander. Well, I see hot spots in the slices, but actually my understanding of what I see is probably a lot like ancient man's interpretation of the stars. "That one looks like an archer. Ooo that one looks like a lobster." That kind of stuff. So, while the images look pretty slick, I'm going to leave the analysis to the pro. We'll see what Doc Hayward says on Friday.

Yesterday I ran into a fellow combatant. She and I spent a great deal of time chatting. It was nice to speak with someone who "knows". That's not to imply that others aren't concerned or don't understand, but someone with a common bond really has some awesome insight to offer from daily survival to the care and feeding of loved ones who just want to help.

Today I get to do lunch with my sister. I'm really looking forward to that. She's my bestest bud in the whole world.

The difference between a PET scan and a CT scan.

Hiya gang,

A lot of folks I run into have been asking me the difference between a PET scan and a CT scan. I have both coming up.

The PET scan is next week. PET is Positron Emission Tomography. What happens is I report to the imaging center, they give me one of those hot ass-less evening gowns and they take me a dark, quiet room. No, not for that silly! My RN comes in with a little lead toolbox. Inside the lead box is a little vial of a gamma isotope. I get injected with this isotope and I get to sit very quietly and try not to even think for like 15 - 20 minutes. The isotope will lodge into active cells, in my case, cancer cells eat up the isotope like candy. Then they put me into the big donut and scan my body. The images that are created will show any new cancer that may be growing in my body. Likely, since my markers are climbing again.

In January, we do another CT scan at Stanford. We go to Stanford because they have higher resolution scanners than what's available in Chico.

CT is x-ray computed tomography. In this procedure, I drink a pineapple-barium smoothy the night before, and another cup of the same stuff in the morning. They take me to the scanning room and hook me up to an IV. Then they drag out this wicked looking arm that would fit right in a Star Wars movie and hook me up. They inject 300 cc's of iodine into me...all at once. I get the taste of a penny in my mouth and then heat runs through from my arm, into my shoulder and clear down to my toes... really fast... really hot... really weird. Then they take the scans.

At some point, my surgeon at Stanford will compare the disk from the PET scan that I bring (that the Chico imaging center does NOT charge me for). Later, my oncologist will compare the two disks (one that Chico does NOT charge me for and Stanford charges over 200 bucks for). Hopefully we'll find out what's growing in me so that we can get it out of there.

So, now we're all caught up.

Next week

PET scan in Chico next week and a follow-up with the Oncologist on chemo day.

Man, I feel so out of control right now. Waiting bites.

To quote Han Solo...

"I got a bad feeling about this"

Yeah... that pretty much sums the day up.

I went in to find out what my CA19-9 marker was. For those following along, I went from 13 to 16 to 16 to 50 something now to 93. Normal is 0 to 35.

Crap!

We now have "cause for concern". I'll be going in for a PET scan locally as well as the CT scan at Stanford in January. The last scan in October was clean, as far as my surgeon at Stanford was concerned. Now though, markers keep climbing up.

*sigh*

I'm back into wait mode, and that is not good at all.