What your brain thinks you can do vs. what your body thinks it can do...

Man... I get so tired these days. I'm good for one or maybe two little project things and then I'm done.

Dad and I moved a recliner out of storage and into the living room. After Julie and I got it located, and plopped down in it and WHAM! Out for a couple of hours.

Then today, I'm still whooped from the activity.

I guess I just have to learn to plan better so that I don't get caught short with any of my "projects".

A misunderstanding/ setting the record straight...

I'm either misunderstanding an awful lot of people, or folks don't understand exactly what I'm doing...

Let me set the record straight...

I'm not falling into the seat cushions of the couch waiting for someone riding a pale horse to arrive.

That is, I'm not throwing myself a pity party. In fact, I'm doing more now than what I was doing the last 6 to 12 months waiting for an answer. I now have an answer and I'm getting along with my life, doing things that I want to do.

So please, no rescue squads. I'm not wallowing in depression. I'm ok... REALLY!

I heard the news today, oh boy....

Well, actually, I heard the new yesterday.

I met with my radiation oncologist yesterday and she shared that radiation therapy on my liver isn't going to be an option because the cancer has spread a great deal. Based on her description of the PET/CT scan, I get an image of a shotgun blast...

I have small tumors in my lungs, my back (lymph nodes), my shoulder, my neck, my stomach...etc.

My mom posed the question, "So, how much time are we looking at here?"

After asking me if I wanted to know how long, the doctor replied, "Probably less than 1 year."

We can do some radiation for pain management purposes, but not for "cure" purposes. There's just too much there.

I spent most of the day letting things sink in. I let a number of my friends and family know what's going on. One of my oncologists staff phoned me to ask how my appointment went. I was shocked! My oncologist spoke about my case with my radiation oncologist the day before. They just don't communicate well in that office at all. She was shocked from the news, just like everyone else. "What will you do now?"

My answer is simple. I will be living each day as though my ass is on fire!

I have a lot of administrative stuff to get accomplished, most of it has already been taken care of over the last year. Mainly, just loose ends to tie up and make tidy.

I also have a lot of vacation type stuff to take care of too. My girlfriend blew out all of her vacation time last year taking care of me. This year, we spend her vacation time on vacation.

I don't know how much more I'll have to add here. I'm sure I'll share symptoms and such along the way, in case someone else with CC stops by for a visit. I'll also share my "vacation" stuff too.

Waking up icky...

I really hate waking up feeling icky.

I did get some stuff knocked out today... completed my list as a matter of fact. So now I'm going to take it easy and watch a movie and pretend that the green tea is a beer.

And the numbers are in...

Blood work results are in...

CA 19-9 is 2337. Not good at all. For those of you who have been following along, 0 - 35 is normal.

Results from the PET scan should be in by Monday, so hopefully we'll know if radiation is a possibility still, or if the cancer is running wildly through my system.

I almost made one of the oncology staff cry today. I guess they get frustrated too.

Oh... and new meds too

Morphine makes me sleepy and I forget a lot....

So... they took me off of Vicodin for pain management and put me on time released morphine and moved to norco for "break-through" pain.

Overall a pretty wicked combo. I sleep all night and damn near all day too.

My CT scan and the new tattoos

Well... my CT scan was quite interesting. A lot different at the radiation facility than what they do at the imaging facility. Almost like it was a new thing they were learning. I'm glad it's done.

I also got my "body" mold done. That is like a bean bag pillow with itty bitty beans in it. Once they have you positioned, they use a vacuum to suck the air out of the pillow. That maintains the shape so that you're in the same position each day.

I got 3 new tat's as well. Each the size of a freckle to be used as guides for the radiation operator.

Tomorrow is a PET scan. It's supposed to be a full body scan. That's to make sure that I don't have any other buggers showing up now. It won't make much sense to do the radiation near my liver if there are other areas now showing too.

One of the staff members at my oncologist's office suggested I get my chemo prescription filled with a company in Sacramento. She said they get better buys on the meds from them. Some better buy... my cost for 84 pills... $622.00. Saved me a whole 8 bucks... whoo hoo! There is a patient assistance program that we're going to try for and see what we can come up with.

It seems that the further I travel on this little journey, the more is seems to cost.

Good news is, I've already met my yearly out of pocket expenses for my medical care, and at the rates they're charging for meds, I'll make the yearly out of pocket for pharmaceuticals in no time.