Long weeks

This is the first morning that I haven't been treated to puking, so I thought I'd drop a quick line.

My right eye is a mess. I get sea sick using the computer.

Email is nearly impossible.

Facebook is a drive by at best.

For the first time in 30 years, I do no own a car. With my eyes and the meds, I was just scared to death that I was going to hurt someone. Now, I don't have that worry.

I'm currently working with Hospice, taking between 5 and 10 meds trying to find a comfort level in pain management that also allows me to be functional. It seems like it's going to be either one or the other but not both at the same time.

Mom and Dad and Sis have been a terrific help, they come by for visits often. I have to watch those too, though, as they take a toll on me too.

I'm trying to learn to ask for more help. That is so very hard for me to do. I'm a "I can do it myself" kind of guy. Asking for help just bites.

Ok.. I'm pooped now. Time to take of the eye patch and see if I can get Un-sea sick.

Wow...what a week.

I have been sooo frigging sick.

Out of the last week, I didn't hurl 2 of them.

My body is so sore.

Who needs a gym, right?

Hospice has started coming to my home. They're working on a concoction that will settle my stomach. Once we get that dialed in, we work on other issues that have been hurting/bugging/troubling me.

I'm sleeping good finally, and that's nice... I just wish I wasn't sleeping so dang long.

Getting lots of good visits from family, but I'm having hard time getting friends squeezed in. I'm just exhausted after little things that I pass out hard after a short visit. Hospice says that we'll work together to beat that too.

Gotta jet. Time for my nap.

Any landing you walk away from...

Ok... weird event last night. In the middle of a deep sleep, I came crashing down on my bed. I hit so hard that I even bounced. Freakin weird.

I went to the Relay For Life event at PV this weekend. I had no idea just how many survivors would show and how many "team" members of those survivors would show. I saw SO many friends there... I was floored. I saw Gerry, Kathi and Traci, but by the time I came around again, I missed them. Overall it was a terrific event and I'm very grateful for Team Lifetouch for getting me over there and helping me deal with so many people. I don't do crowds really well, and the Lifetouch folks really saved my tooshie.

Today is my first radiation treatment of 3. These are for pain management on my shoulder. All the materials say that I'll be fine, but they have me face down while getting zapped... with my face resting on a sheet. It's SO hard to breathe that way. I'm going to see if I can arrange from ventilation today.

Tuesday and Wednesday more radiation. I'm not sure what comes next for me.

New meeting with radiation.

Today I meet with my radiation oncologist. We're looking at blasting a sub cutaneous something or other on my right shoulder. We're looking at 4 days to blast that bump outta there and then maybe that muscle group will quit being such a pain in the butt.

Mom and I have been going out on walks for the last few days. Yesterday really kicked my butt. It's getting harder and harder to make the walks. It's getting pretty creepy.

I'm really grateful that I have so many folks helping me out.

Dad came to mow my lawn for me today. Bugs me that my dad "gets" to help me with my lawn... wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? It makes him feel good I think, and I enjoy our time together.

So... I still have to learn to let go of stuff, and I AM getting there... but boy it's tough.

The last few days, new happenings and bravery.

It has been a busy week or so. Last weekend the family got together to do family photos. This was mom's get together. It was really nice to get the entire immediate family together for photos. We haven't done than since I was like 10. It was nice. Julie and I also got some photos done. I'm looking forward to the proofs.

I got to spend some time with my mom. Walking together has been really terrific. It gives us a chance to just be mom and son.

Dad and mom came by for a visit. That was really great! I love hanging out with them.

Chelsea and I did lunch yesterday!

Yesterday I finally got to see my eye doctor. My right eye has been a mess. Turns out that my right eye is now extremely far sighted and that funky spot that I see in there is really there. It seems that I have a "mass" in my eye that is reshaping my eye, and thus the vision. It was really no surprise. My eye doctor and I agree that while we could run a truck load of tests, we're each quite confident that its the cancer. So, until I get the really thick lens for my right eye, I get to be a pirate. I were a patch to keep my vision single (no double vision). It helps, but I lose my depth something fierce. I've pretty much quit driving. It scares me too much now since I can't see worth a darn.

Coming up... the cruise is in about 2 or 3 weeks. Rhiannon is taking me to see Rush... a daddy daughter event. My sister's family and I are going to ice cream tonight. Rick is coming up on mom's day for a visit and we're going to try and get together. Chelsea has been meeting up with me for lunch from time to time.

I'm tired a lot. Seems like I get a day that is really good, and then 2 that I'm really tired. I'm in great spirits, just pooped out.

Now for bravery...

I had an anonymous post cheering me on for my bravery (very short form for a very nice comment). The sad thing is, I think those close to me are much braver than I am. To tell the truth, I try to keep my attitude up, but it can get scary. But for my family, it's so much harder... at least from my perspective. I mean, really, how do you spend time with a loved one without being so scared? Each visit leaves you wondering how many more you might get... how many more opportunities you get to do things, or to even say goodbye?

I'm not so brave... those who take care of me... family and friends... they're the brave ones.

The human brain on morphine...

I just made the dumbest call that I've ever made in my life. Fortunately, I was able to deal with a customer service rep that was quite understanding.

I used Bill Pay to pay Bank of America.

My online statement said that the bank paid Bank of America Online.

My crappy eyes read that the bank paid America Online.

Sheesh...

I have not felt like such a dork in a very longggg time.

Wouldn't the truth just be easier???

AT&T bites ass.

For that matter, so does Digital Path.

Actually, finding out you are going to die and having to deal with anything in an administrative status sucks.

So, with that in mind... I got the word I am going to kick the bucket a little sooner than I thought I would. (THIS ISN'T NEW BAD NEWS SO DON"T PANIC)

Knowing that I'd like to take care of a lot of "easy" crap, I begin taking steps to transfer accounts.

Digital Path, my current phone/internet provider is more than happy to transfer ownership of the account into Julie's name...IF she provides a credit card to auto bill each month.... all new customers must do this. REALLY??? Hmm... I write you a check each month... but not good enough for ya huh? OK... we'll go back to AT&T.

DUMB IDEA

I placed my order last week. I was promised my land line on Monday.

Monday came and went, no land line... but I do have a tech visit scheduled for Friday. WTF???

Call AT&T... cancel visit, promised land line on Tuesday.

Tuesday came and went, no land line.

Call support... after mashing about 15000 buttons, I find a human.

"Oh, they should have told you that a tech had to come out."

Really??? Why the hell didn't they just say that in the first friggin place????

GRRRR